(Bullies continued)

You should also reassure your child that he or she isn't to blame. Explain that bullies are often confused or unhappy people who don't feel good about themselves. Also consider asking your child thoughtful questions, such as:  

• What's it like on the bus ride to and from schol
  
• What happens on the playground during recess or before or after school?
  
• What happens in the hallways at school or during lunchtime?
  
• Have any bullies in the neighborhood or at school threatened anyone you know?
  
• Do some kids you know get emails, instant messages, or text messages that are upsetting,   threatening, or insulting?

This approach might make it easier for your child to talk about bullies because it isn't as personal and emphasizes that other kids experience bullying, too.

Artwork and drawings or puppets may prompt younger victims to talk about bullies. Older children, however, may be helped by direct questions, like asking them to talk about their "friends" and "enemies."

If Your Child Is the Bully
Learning your child is the bully can be shocking. But it's important to remain calm and avoid becoming defensive, as that can make a bad situation worse. You may have a greater impact if you express disappointment - not anger - to your child.

Because bullying often stems from unhappiness or insecurity, try to find out if something is bothering your child. Children who bully aren't likely to confess to their behavior, but you'll need to try to get your child to talk

by asking some specific, hard-hitting questions, such as:  

• How do you feel about yourself?
  
• How do you think things are going at school and at home?
  
• Are you being bullied?
  
• Do you get along with other kids at school?
  
• How do you treat other children?
  
• What do you think about being considered
  a bully?
  
• Why do you think you're bullying?

If you suspect that your child is a bully, it's important to address the problem to try to mend your child's mean ways. After all, bullying is violence, and it often leads to more antisocial and violent behavior as the bully grows up. In fact, as many as one out of four elementary school bullies have a criminal record by the time they're 30. Some teen bullies also end up being rejected by their peers and lose friendships as they grow older. Bullies may also fail in school and may not have the career or relationship success that other people enjoy