August 1, 2024 — By Wendy Sachs
As the summer months draw to a close, we are diving back into transitions. Going back to school, starting activities, even changing schedules can create a ripple effect with your child’s life. These periods of transition can be difficult to deal with, but it can also be a time of intense growth for your whole family.
Coming into a new situation for kids, a time full of unknown, can be one of the most difficult times. It is scary for them to not know who will be in charge, what the timing of events will be, how new places can affect their physical beings. Even odd smells or textures can cause trouble for some kids. Each child reacts in a unique way to these troubles.
So how can we adapt our situations to make things easier for our kids? There are some steps we can take.
Previews
A preview of what is coming right next can be helpful for kids. Starting your day with a conversation when you can outline step by step what’s coming is such a reassuring thing to the kids. Even if you don’t know exactly what is going on, you can outline the days events in some way. By previewing you can add details that can anchor good feeling to what is happening. Maybe you don’t know what the schedule at school will be but you do know the teachers, or what space in the school the kids will be in. By sharing those things with the kids you give them a sense of calm.
Countdowns
Giving the kids a period of time inside of the preview will help kids to prepare for the event coming. We do this with little kids when we say “in 5 minutes it is time to clean up” and then 3 minutes and then 2. This system gives the kids plenty of time to adjust, breathe deeply, and a way to know what is happening next. That feeling of of knowing what is coming next is very comforting to the kids. Counting down also lets the kids visualize what is coming next and lets them feel in control.
Connection
With some kids, it is a connection with the adult in charge that makes a difference. A hand on a shoulder, eye contact, and a deep connection make a difference. It gives the child a chance to focus in and pay attention to what is happening. It allows for the child to make minor adjustments to what is happening and allows them to feel like everything is going to be ok. I mean they just heard it and felt it from a trusted source. It also gives them confidence.
Routines
Your alarm goes off and immediately you know it’s time to get out of bed and take a shower. You come home from work and grab the mail. There are things you do that are a routine. It feels comfortable and secure. Even if you don’t know if it is a work day or an unusual day, feeling the sense of routine is comfortable. Giving your kids some routine is helpful for them as they work thru a new schedule. Everyday we put our back packs in this spot. Every day after school we have a snack. Small touch points for kids to hold onto make a difference.
Rewards
Kids love rewards. For some children a reward can make all the difference. Whether it is a sticker chart, a small toy, special time with a loved one or anything special you can think of, rewards make an impact. Being sure to set up a reward system ahead of time can make a difference here. Let the kids have some power in setting up a system that works. Is it small steps or a bigger picture that gets recognized?
Using some or all of these techniques can make things go smoother for your child. And that means smoother for you as well!